Setting Boundaries With Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings

You explain that a joke hurt, and the conversation turns into an argument about whether you are too sensitive. You try again with more detail. Soon you are defending your right to be upset instead of discussing what happened. It is understandable to look for advice about setting boundaries with narcissistic behavior after an exchange like this.

Repeated dismissal is something you can address without diagnosing the other person. A useful boundary names what you can participate in and what you will do if a specific behavior continues. It cannot make someone agree that your feelings are justified, and it should not require putting yourself at risk.

Describe the behavior you need to address

“Narcissistic” can become a catch-all word for painful interactions. For a practical conversation, replace the label with something observable: private information shared after you asked for privacy, insults during disagreements, or jokes repeated after a request to stop.

The APA explains that personality disorders require assessment of long-term patterns. A frustrating exchange cannot do that work. For more context, see narcissistic traits versus NPD.

Naming the behavior keeps the request understandable. “Please do not comment on my body at family meals” tells the other person what needs to change. “Stop being narcissistic” leaves you arguing about identity and motive. Even when your interpretation seems clear, the concrete request is usually easier to evaluate afterward.

Check safety before choosing a script

The examples below assume you can express disagreement without a serious risk of retaliation. That assumption does not fit every relationship. NHS Safeguarding describes domestic abuse as including emotional abuse and controlling or coercive behavior, such as monitoring daily activities, isolating someone from support, and restricting access to care.

If you are afraid of what will happen when you say no, do not use a boundary conversation as a test. Seek confidential advice from a specialist service or trusted professional using a safe means of contact. Planning may need to account for housing, money, children, disability, or digital monitoring. You do not need a diagnosis for the other person before asking for this help.

If there is immediate danger, prioritize reaching safety and local emergency assistance where possible. A script is not a safety plan, and another person’s threatening behavior is not evidence that you phrased your boundary badly.

Separate a request from your own next action

A request asks someone to change what they do. A boundary adds what you can realistically do if the situation continues. Both can be useful, but they are not the same thing.

For example, “Please stop insulting me” is a request. “If the insults continue, I will end this call” describes an action you may be able to take. Avoid announcing a consequence that you cannot carry out or that would put you at risk. A shared home, employment arrangement, or care responsibility may limit your options; those constraints deserve practical support, not shame.

The NHS guidance on healthy relationships supports clear communication, listening, and limits. The scripts here are illustrative applications, not a proven treatment or a method guaranteed to change another person’s behavior.

Use a short statement that fits the situation

Choose one issue. A detailed history may be appropriate later, but it can make a first request hard to follow. These examples can be adjusted to your own words:

You do not have to deliver these sentences flawlessly. If you become overwhelmed, it can help to prepare a brief phrase in advance. Emotional flooding discusses how to recognize when you no longer have enough capacity for a useful conversation.

Leave room for disagreement without abandoning your limit

Two people can remember an event differently. Acknowledging that possibility does not require withdrawing every request. You might say, “We remember the tone differently. I still need us to avoid jokes about that subject.”

Similarly, another person can feel disappointed about your availability without having a right to unlimited access to you. The goal is not to prevent all uncomfortable feelings. It is to find terms of contact you can actually sustain.

If saying no produces guilt, avoid treating the guilt as a decision by itself. Why saying no can make you feel guilty offers a separate way to examine that experience. A limit can be reasonable even when it feels unfamiliar.

What to do when the boundary is ignored

First, check whether the statement was understandable and whether your planned action is feasible. You can clarify once if that feels appropriate: “I meant that I am not discussing my body, including jokes.” You do not owe endless revisions of the same request.

Then focus on the pattern. Does the person change their behavior after a reminder, or repeatedly turn the conversation into a debate about your right to have a limit? An apology may matter, but changed conduct is separate information. Notice both without trying to infer a hidden diagnosis.

Possible next steps include limiting particular topics, using a different channel for practical arrangements, or seeking support to reconsider the amount of contact. These are options, not obligations. If the pattern includes intimidation or you cannot act freely, return to confidential safety planning rather than escalating consequences in person.

Intimacy never removes the need for consent

Boundaries also apply to touch, sexual activity, privacy, and conversations about sex. A partner’s disappointment does not obligate you to agree to an activity. You can stop a conversation or an activity that you do not want, and you should be able to do so without pressure or punishment.

Our guide to responsive desire and consent discusses why curiosity, willingness, arousal, and agreement are different things. Do not use a psychological label to explain away coercion or assume that better communication will make an unsafe situation safe. The behavior and your freedom to choose are what require attention.

Choose one realistic next step

You do not have to resolve the entire relationship today. In a safe situation, choose one concrete behavior, one brief request, and one action you can manage. If it helps, write the statement privately before using it.

If you are unsure whether the situation is safe, the next step may instead be a confidential conversation with someone who can help you assess your options. Effective support starts with the reality of your circumstances. It does not depend on proving what kind of person the other individual is.